27.08.2008
Hello,
I saw your mail, Thanx. Although I cannot allow myself read it. (I know they are two letters like that). Pretty weird, most of the boys do stuff to impress other girls. I go with other girls to impress you, so I can tell when you come that I dated her and her, but they really nothing compare to you.
Yesterday a girl answered me to the question I asked her – weather she would like to be my girlfriend. She said she don’t. All I can say about her is that she as a life happiness, she use to hit me and she doesn’t drink – just like you. Anyway, I think I already have enough problems in my life (Don’t be insult but you are one of them), and I decided that I am not gonna let any girl be another problem for me.
If they will be something it is only a solution – But not another problem.
I really wish I can just write you back and say “Thank you miss” it has been pleasure to read it. But you see, I know I’m gonna write something ugly so I just avoid it. (You said you won’t be insulted If I stop write you).
What I did in my birthday – well nothing. I guess will do something humble in the weekend – some cakes and candles.
Sometimes I think what will be better – if you come or maybe it will be better if you not. For me I know it will be better if you won’t. that way I won’t have to avoid you, and I know I won’t be able to.
I think about you always.
I started to say to people to take care of themselves instead of just goodbye – I think that your letters did it.
You really don’t understand how does my heart react when I see the massanger window opens, and your name is on the top. Or when I open my mail and see I got a letter from you. I know that if I send it, you will react as you always do, laugh and explain me in the thousand time that it was only a vacation, and that what I’m saying to myself like a mantara “only a vacation”. It doesn’t work. I wish I could just answer and say thanx, but I’m sorry, I will cause myself pain by doing it and I’m not ready for it again.
I had the feeling, sometime it is all just a nice game we are playing: “Hard to get” or “Hide and seek”. That I am not answering you so that you come here again.
I am not, talking to you causing me pain.
You asked me to take of myself, well miss, this is exactly what I do – avoiding things that causes me pain. In that case this is you.
Bye
Gad