05.09.2008
Hi,
Guri is back from Poland, and started his 12th grade. Is now sitting down in the next room with a girl called Chen, maybe his girlfriend, I don’t know.
Nathan is in the army, training.
Yoni is driving forth and back to Tel Aviv each day, an hour and half each direction.
Fatma started 9th grade and of course she thought of what she should be dressed in for her first day of school.
For me I working in a gas station, nothing to think about. The most stupid job I could find. Without time to think just Sisyphean work.
I will do my last test in Sunday.
I have a good friend, he left school yesterday after 2 years.
It scares me and makes me very depressed, you may think to yourself “so what? a lot of people does it.”
I will need to explain you some things. He has a twin brother – he used to be my best friend when I was in 10th grade. One day he just had a very bad day in school, he took it very bad. You said I cannot disappear. He did, just got into his room and lock it. He disappear. And he lives 2 Km away.
Sometimes I saw him in basketball games, tried to call him, but he just didn’t answer. Gone. Since then his brother is my best friend. And now, now his brother has left school. I am afraid, I am scared to death he will disappear. He has a girlfriend and he is different from his brother. I don’t think he will collapse into himself, but once again I never thought he will leave school.
In his first month he was so into studies that he stopped eating and drinking, he had to hospitalized for two weeks.
Like I was when you left, he was turn from a strong healthy young man into walking skeleton I had to avoid see him for a while, I could not see him in this position.
I am afraid he will be like his brother.
Except this, It makes me think about a lot of things: Since when we become so “giving up to ourselves”? I mean life haven’t become harder, we got better equipment and better ways to keep ourselves, so why do we are doing it?
To me it looks like he says – well life is shit, thinking is useless, let’s be stupid.
I want to be 10 years old again.
Ironic it is that I used to talk about it with his brother when he still talked with me.
There are things you got to hold on to, to give your life some meaning – some values.
Things you know that will be there, that will work the way you expect them to work.
That the stone will fall down when you throw it up.
Looking him leaving school its like watching a stone that you throw up in the middle of the air. Just there a – meter and a half above ground.
“I don’t want you to change your mind about me, because I’m leaving university”. Of course not, I said.
I lied to my friend – I didn’t want him to change his mind because of me. I didn’t want him to feel bad. I know it is hard enough for him.
Well that’s all the bad stuff for now.
An old Jewish phrase says you never have enough of what you are after for: Not enough money for who wants to be rich, not enough girls for who wants to have sex.
And for me – sadness, There is always another thing that makes me sadder.
Someone said that you are not really solve any problem in your life – you just change them.
A 18 years old girl doesn’t need to read those kind of things – And you will not read it.
bye
Gad